September 2020
I have been feeling very separated from my self, and today crying with mum over a beautiful documentary made by students across Australia about corona virus, I feel the poetry from inside me brimming out. Throughout this time everyone has had to do things they wouldn’t usually do. In the past, if I didn’t practice a certain amount of hours I would feel that the entire day was wasted. This has been necessary to be able to be a professional violist, however at this time, this way of thinking hasn’t done me well. During the pandemic my role has shifted, previously my practice time was sacred and I was supported by others to practice. Now I have taken on roles in my family to care for elderly grandparents, support my parents working full time, emotional care for friends family and my partner, as they also do for me. I have also taken on work as a teacher and in a shop to support my family and to save for the future. I forget that these things are important. I do need to get back into the practice room, and fast for my own sanity, but this is no reflection as to whether I am a worthy musician or not. In fact I hope that it will give me a new perspective. For any time this quote is true “The mind cannot see when the imagination is out of focus.”
It has been a true blessing to be a teacher in this time and to give back to the community. I started at a new school after the lock down ended and it was a rewarding challenge to reinspire primary aged students to get back into music and the violin. Most students hadn’t played for 3 months and some had even forgotten everything. One break through that I had was with a student who had grown really fast and was playing a violin two sizes too small. After a few weeks of frustration at the attitude in this group class I really tried to tell the girls that it is never too late to practice and to improve at the violin. The next week this same student arrived with her new full size violin and hasn’t looked back since. The quote of the week was ‘since I got my new violin I practice every day and I never practiced at all for mrs x!’
My other big break through happened late in the term. I had two cellists in a group class, one extremely gifted student in grade 3 and a late learner in grade 6. The grade 6 student never practiced, brought her cello to class, remembered the book or came to orchestra. The grade 3 student was always early, could sightread the music on first go and was exceptionally keen. This pattern repeated and despite my attempts to contact the parents I had nothing until the last week when the mother wrote to say her child wasn’t coping, as I had said weeks before. I had been ready to say that the lessons wouldn’t be suitable, even though I have never once turned a child away from a music lesson. In this class I decided to run masterclass style, and it was also an exam day. The grade 3 student played well as usual and I was able to get more refinement from his playing easily. The grade 6 student sat there, borrowed cello and music. I have never seen such terrible posture and her arms we just about glued to her body holding the instrument. I told her, pretend that you are a rich and famous movie star, travelling the world to play the cello professionally. Instantly, we fixed her posture, she held the cello as the cello is meant to be held, and the sound she made was in tune and with a real full bodied cello sound. I think that this is my biggest lesson. When we believe in ourselves (or even pretend to believe until the true belief comes) then we can fully step into who we are and bring our light into the world.