Throughout history musicians have continued to shine their light, despite war, hardship and censorship. One only needs to hear Shostakovich’s String Quartets to understand the intense need to express and give voice to his inner feelings and the feelings of utter despair, misery and hope around him under the Stalin Regime in Russia.
Today in 2020 we are experiencing a world wide pandemic and for my community in Brisbane, Australia, music performances was one of the first things to go. It felt as though music was dispensable. Funding for freelance artists feels so impossible to describe and it certainly doesn’t fit into a Centrelink form. It is a time that many of us feel powerless. As a musician one always has a burning fear at the back of one’s mind, “maybe I should train in a sensible career” and now more than ever the dreams, hopes, goals and years of dedicated practice seem to drift away. One is left with a feeling of numbness and a concern for how many biscuits are left in the house and a mysterious sense of loss. I can’t even vocalise my feelings in this situation. In a community not used to doing without, where insurance claims are made and refunds are given, it seems impossible that we should have to stay in our own homes and be restricted in any way to the life we desire, even for this indefinite, short time. What would Shostakovich do?
I exhale and look round me. I have been so busy running for so long, catching up to the rat race, its about time I clean my room. With family members working from home this space is valuable. I can only practice in short bursts when there are no teleconferences happening in different parts of the house so I really can’t do anything except for clean.
Paper. I am surrounded by paper and memories, music and melodies. Just. so. much. paper. I begin to sort through 28 years of music learning, study and life, and I find a sense of completing the circle. Those projects in started in 2008, I can do them now! I miss music terribly. For so long I have taken it for granted or used it as a measure of my own worth, but now, as they say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I tune in to the radio, and rediscover the magical beauty of listening and hearing the unexpected. This isolation isn’t so bad. I am grateful to the bottom of my heart that we are not hiding in our homes from bomb treats or terror and that I have a safe home, a home where I am happy, respected and free to be myself.
In times of crisis our strong suits come rearing up and for me the goddess of creativity indeed has left her mark. I sometimes think that my music or art isn’t professional, and who am I to demand an audience! However I know that anything I do is wholeheartedly from within me so let’s put that worry to rest. Sometimes I wonder if Music chose me and not the other way around.
Only for now, not forever: self isolation is not about ourselves, it is about the collective and it is about love. Let’s put that to music and dance our worries away in a grateful symphony of love across the world .